Psychotic Princess

It was funny how he looked at me as he walked away. It was as if he had expected me to burst into tears and beg him to love me again. It was if he was completely shocked that I didn't. It was if he'd realised that I just wasn't in love with him anymore.

No, It's not that I don't love him. I do. It's ironic how much we learn about ourselves when we fall in love with the wrong people. I could go into a whole diatrabe about the definition of the "wrong people". But for now, I'd like to focus on the breaking heart of a single wrong person.

My heart reached out to him as he walked away. But it wasn't to ask him to stay. I felt compassion for his broken heart. I cannot imagine why someone would be so hurt that he thinks his life is better alone.  If he only understood the great gift he has given me by showing me who I could be.

It was almost like he knew that I was already gone. Even before he said he had to leave, he knew I wasn't there any more. The words he used could have been said to convince himself of the things I already knew.

And I said to him, as he walked away, I said you will always be a friend. But one day you will be at my wedding. One day you will hold my children. And they will be mine. And in one unspoken moment he knew exactly what I meant. And we both understood in one silent earth shattering moment that we would be nothing more than what we are right now. And it hurt me more to know just how much it must hurt him.

For the first time in a very long time I cried. But it was not for my broken heart that I wept.