Psychotic Princess

It was funny how he looked at me as he walked away. It was as if he had expected me to burst into tears and beg him to love me again. It was if he was completely shocked that I didn't. It was if he'd realised that I just wasn't in love with him anymore.

No, It's not that I don't love him. I do. It's ironic how much we learn about ourselves when we fall in love with the wrong people. I could go into a whole diatrabe about the definition of the "wrong people". But for now, I'd like to focus on the breaking heart of a single wrong person.

My heart reached out to him as he walked away. But it wasn't to ask him to stay. I felt compassion for his broken heart. I cannot imagine why someone would be so hurt that he thinks his life is better alone.  If he only understood the great gift he has given me by showing me who I could be.

It was almost like he knew that I was already gone. Even before he said he had to leave, he knew I wasn't there any more. The words he used could have been said to convince himself of the things I already knew.

And I said to him, as he walked away, I said you will always be a friend. But one day you will be at my wedding. One day you will hold my children. And they will be mine. And in one unspoken moment he knew exactly what I meant. And we both understood in one silent earth shattering moment that we would be nothing more than what we are right now. And it hurt me more to know just how much it must hurt him.

For the first time in a very long time I cried. But it was not for my broken heart that I wept.

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You sir, have one hell of a responsibility.
For so many of us have become embittered, our hopes and dreams shattered.
You sir, have brought the word HOPE new meaning,
Something I HOPE you understand.

I weep at your words of empowerment. I fear we are not ready.
For there are those who would destroy us.
Not just around the world, but even here at home.
I HOPE you are ready for the challenge. I HOPE we are as well.

You have a responsibility that is greater than any single man who came before.
It is up to you now to lift us from the demons of our own history.
It is not just your job to give us a better tomorrow,
It is your job now to show us how to make it happen.

You sir, have one hell of a responsibility.
It is not just the weight of the last 8 years that rests on your shoulders,
It is the hopes and dreams of so many who came before you.
While you stand on the shoulders of giants
We all look to you for HOPE and guidance.

1. Asus M3A Motherboard (click here for product details)
   - This bad boy can handle a quad processor and 8 GB ram. It also had the highest number of PCI slots for my legacy devices and of course SATA for new devices
   
2. AMD Athlon X2 Dual-Core Processor (click here for product details)
   - I don't necessarily need a quad processor... yet.
   
3. Alpine 64 Heatsink (click here for product details)
   - By far the hardest thing to install. Only because the RTFM pictures didn't match anything until I looked at the online manual for the Alpine instead of the motherboard manual (and color manuals help a LOT)
4. Thermaltake TR2 430W Power Supply (click here for product details)
   - If I ever upgraded the processor I would probably want to upgrade the power supply
5. 2 x 1GB Ballistix 240-Pin Unbuffered DIMM (click here for product details)
   
6. Gigabyte GZ-X2 Chassis - Black (click here for product details)

I've added two new photo albums to the gallery. The new photo gallery tool Freewebs created is so incredibly easy to use. In the past I wouldn't have added the new albums for a long time. As a matter of fact, it took me a week to post the blog for the first album I added. lol!

Anyway, the first album comes from a little trip to Ocean City MD. This little trip was important for a number of reasons - it gave me a much needed break from day to day stress, it was the first time I'd traveled to the beach alone, and it helped me get over my traveling to strange places alone fears. I also saw a movie by myself for the first time on Sunday since I had so much time to kill before my bus left OC. I won't go into the details of why I needed it, since those who need to know already do. But it really helped me put my head back on straight after almost a solid three months of (as my boss would say) "fusterclucks".

Where I stayed - The Cayman Suites (http://www.caymansuites.com/) Great service, fantastic offseason rates, just very far from the bus station and "downtown". However, having a suite where the balcony overlooked the bay, and the hallway balcony overlooked the ocean was just perfection. Not to mention the two tvs, kitchen, dvd player, and king sized bed.

Where I ate - Blue Ox Steak House (No website). It was recommended by the cabbie who picked me up from the bus station Friday night, and the hotel. However, it was not the most amazing place ever. The steak was okay, but the scallops were overcooked. The drinks I had waiting for my food were nice and strong though. But it's just not Nantuckets. Now they had good steak.

Also, there's a little diner next to Shenanegans where I had dinner before I left. Sadly, I don't remember the name ... thank goodness for bank statements. It's called Boardwalk Joes. The food was exactly what I would expect from the place, which meant it was good. The price was barely 1/10th what I spent at Blue Ox, and the owner was just the nicest woman. She kept me company while I waited for the bus on Sunday.

What I saw - 21 (http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/21/) Based on a true story about a kid trying to get into Harvard but can't afford it so he joins a card counting ring at MIT. It was good entertainment.

Click here to go to the Photo Album for Ocean City 2008

The second gallery doesn't have that much lead in. Basically I found out that Saturday was the Anime Movie Marathon and they were showing the third (according to Roland Kelts, the author of JapanAmerica, the second) Appleseed (Ex Machina) . I loved the 2005 Appleseed (loved loved loved it) so I was excited about this one. It was produced by John Woo. It was awesome. I will be owning that movie. Also, I will be picking up the book JapanAmerica, it's about the Japanese and American cultures post war influence on eachother.

Click Here to go to the Photo Album for the Cherry Blossom Festival 2008

And of course, if you want to check out my other pictures, just go to the main photo gallery here.

• 3 tomato basil Chicken breasts, pounded into 1 1/2 their size (basically  flat enough to roll, but not so flat they start falling apart)
• Spinach (fresh leaf)
  
• Feta
• Sliced turkey (lunch meat)
• Mushrooms
  

Directions

Preheat oven to 325. Lay chicken on cooking sheet. Remove stems from spinach and lay leaf flat on chicken. Lay turkey slice over spinach, and thinly sliced mushrooms over that. Place a healthy pinch of feta in the center. Roll chicken up and place seem side down (so it stays rolled), or use toothpicks to keep rolled. Cook for 25 minutes. (might have been too long, it looks a little dry).

Meanwhile, I'm using my new rice cooker to make rice. I might be the only cook on earth who didn't know this, but somehow it automatically knows when the rice is done and switches to warm (maybe it's not magic). So, while the rice is warming after it cooks (the instructions recommend letting it warm for another 15 minutes to get truly fluffy rice) I'm making brussel sprouts.

I'll try to remember to include an update as to how it tastes or any recommendations I have for next time.

Update - It came out fabulous. It does need a sauce or basting during cooking because just the outer skin was a bit dry. The rice was good too. And of course the brussel sprouts. Nom! Nom! Nom!

This was the first game after the murder of Sean Taylor. Before that happened, my friend bought these tickets for me as a Christmas present. That we should be at this game was a mixed blessing.

Bills at Redskins - December 2, 2007